More misery. Come in. Pull up a chair.

My mind always goes to the darkest places. I’ve had therapy. My wife once said everyone does it. I then went on to tell her something that struck me. An observation. I thought she’d say “oh we all think like that”. She didn’t. She asked me not to talk about things like that, it’s depressing and could I not talk to our daughter about that ever.

I’m not that bad, but when I see some things my mind wanders to what could be the worse case scenario.

The other night I was driving and I saw a family of four crossing the road as I stopped. Mum and dad in their 40’s two girls under 10. Father, looking worn and a little angry. Mum had been crying. Kids a little scared and tired.  It was after 10:30pm and and kids were under 10 years old. My mind instantly replayed the scene as burly men pushed them from their rented flat and into the night, leaving all their worldly possessions behind. The kids were allowed to take one toy and a bag of clothes (which they were carrying as the crossed the road). In  my mind they had been walking the streets since 6pm looking for shelter or someone to help them since 6pm. They’d get thrown out of the 24hour supermarket and end up being hassled by the transport police a the train station/ bus depot. Mum would ring the women’s refuge and get shelter for her and the kids, but dad wouldn’t be allowed. They’d have to lie and say he beat her. The family would be split up and dad would turn to drink under a bridge and drugs in a  shelter. He’d be thrown out of the shelter for the drugs and end up sleeping rough. Mental health issues and eventual suicide would follow. His body would never be identified after floating in the cold brown Humber for 3 months.

The light changes to green and the family have crossed. The rapid spiral descending from a missed rent payment to death for the Humber Bridge had been played out in my mind in 20 seconds.

I drove home past short skirts, tattoos and fake tan. Into the night and more dark thoughts.


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